To Dream or Not to Dream. Is that a Question?

My ghosts of Christmases past have been gracing me with visits these last few days. I have a sneaking suspicion the reason for their untimely rendez-vous isn't because I'm some  stingy rich dude that everyone hates, but because my birthday is looming.These visits have got me thinking back to my childhood and more so, where I thought I would find myself by my early 30’s.  The thing is I can’t quite seem to remember. What were those big dreams that I had for myself? Did I want to travel weightlessly through space and become the first female to land on the moon? Did I want to rescue injured wildlife, rehabilitate and release them back into the wild? Or did I want to be a Mom and raise good, honourable people?  Whatever they were I'm pretty sure "little me" would have believed that I'd have my shit together by now. These days, though, my shit seems to have traveled to different continents and, on their journey, bits of them have been lost in transit.

Does this mean I have become a fragment of myself?

When I asked my friends what they wanted to be when they grew up they all knew! Without hesitation their answers poured out like little shiny treasures. One wanted to be a Doctor the other a Vet and the the others a Comic Book Artist, A Boss, and Fashion Designer. What is even crazier to me is that some of them have realized their childhood dreams; meanwhile I can’t  even remember if "little me" had any.

So like any another self respecting adult, I called my Mommy. After a long drawn out pause it was apparent that my Mom found my existential crisis at 33 very amusing. When I insisted she replied “I don’t know, you were a kid. If you said you wanted to be something I probably just ignored you”. This explains everything!  My Mom went on to say “Oh, maybe you wanted to be a prima ballerina. Remember when you buried your ballets slippers in the back yard?”

I guess I was under the impression dreams grew on trees.  

Me Tarzan, You Jane

And there you have it, It’s as old as the hills!

Every time we persuade ourselves to be optimistic, that this time, this time it will be different, the human race disappoints us. 

Why don't people say what they mean anymore?

Integrity, plain old run of the mill integrity.  The quality of a person’s character, you know, like honesty. Where did it go?

According to National Geographic “every 14 days a language dies. By 2100, more than half of the more than 7,000 languages spoken on Earth—many of them not yet recorded—may disappear, taking with them a wealth of knowledge about history, culture, the natural environment, and the human brain”.

This must explain what happened to integrity, it died! If we start losing significant qualities in people every 14 days, what will become of us? We will regress back to the Paleolithic Age! Men will start hitting women over the heads with clubs, drag them back to their caves by the hair and claim their bodies as their own……… but on the other hand, that might put an end to my tragic dating history.

I can't help but get the feeling the world would be a better place if we just listened to a little more Springsteen.

The Boy With The Black GTI

When I was a little girl, at the edge of my street, where my dreams would meet my heart beat, there lived a boy. I can still remember the glow of his olive toned skin and the way his sandy blond locks of hair would tickle his eyes when he laughed. He brought my silent heart to life and made it skip to a beat of love. I would spend my days with my head in the clouds, me and my boy.

One day when that boy became a man and I became a young lady, I found myself sitting in the front seat of his Volkswagen GTI staring into his bright hazel eyes. His sandy blond hair was shaved down to a golden stubble. I tried to act cool in that front seat but my insides were on fire and my head was dizzy like a lovesick fool! He slowly said my name and I looked to his full pink lips with expectation. If he looked into my eyes I was sure he would have seen straight through to my soul. He gently raised his hand and slid it around my neck and quietly pulled me close. My eyes lifted and locked with his, he leaned forward and he kissed me. It was deep, it was soft, and most of all it was beautiful. And if I close my eyes long enough I can still feel how warm his lips were.

A few weeks later that boy crushed my dancing heart, and as he spoke those solemn words from the same sweet, warm pink lips that lit my soul on fire, I heard my heart's last breathing word.

Oh me, oh my

My innate ability to perpetuate the madness in my head never ceases to amaze me.

I’ve had to deal with myself for 32 years now and still, all I can do is shake my head disapprovingly at the defeated fragments of my former self scattered on the floor. 

There is no talking me out of the mania once my mind starts obsessively weaving its twisted web. All former memories of humiliation that deliver warning have been forgotten. Old cautionary tales told by those who have walked the same mile before me roll off my back.  I’m on a one way track to becoming a  Bon Jovi song.

Do they make a pill for this?

Devil ain't gonna get me today

Temptation. It's hanging over me like a cursed, cheap suit these days. The kind you get at a bargain basement.The sound of it chafing is all I can hear with every stride my legs take.
Chafe,Chafe,Chafe
God, it's hot today. I can feel the dry dirt grind under my feet. It hasn't rained in days.
Sweat trickles down my back. I can taste it's salt on my lips.
I walk blinded by the sun. It's trying to hold me back. Someone turn it off please.
Chafe, Chafe, Chafe
I think I will just have a seat here, and take this blazer off.

How do you like them apples?!

When did it happen? When did the human race decide that they can say whatever they want regardless of other's feelings?
There used to be a time when you would take people's feeling into consideration!

The other day, I was at work minding my own business trying to solve a Rubik's Cube when some guy who works two floors up, who I have never spoken a single word to felt it important to distract me from my algorithms.

I wish I could remember what he said, but whatever it was, he gave me the impression that he may have had a hint in solving it.
I casually replied, "I think I am doing OK.Llook I've got my cross and now my corners are lining up!"
This guy had the audacity to say to me "Looks to me like you're looking for validation".
I KNOW!!!
Who says that to someone they DON'T know. So I say "Looks to me like you are an asshole!".
Nooooo, I didn't say that, but I wish I did...I wish I was one of those people who are always ready with zingy comebacks. Meh, who am I kidding, I am a nice person, I still would have reacted the same way.

The look on my face must have been priceless. I am assuming it was a one of bewilderment.
I unsurely replied, "Err no, I... ummm. I think I can do it?"
And then this guy says "Looks to me like you're getting defensive". Is this guy for real?! Did I just walk into the Twilight Zone?! Is this real life?
I have no idea what I said after. I think I looked at my colleague for help, but the guy spun around on his heels and left.

You know what, I may not drive a fancy car, or have some fancy job two floors up, but I am good peeps.  You man, are just a shitty run of the mill jerk! A dime a dozen!

And you know what I solved that cube, so YA how's that for Validation!

Sometimes a Girl's Just Gotta Let Out Her Crazy......

I feel a little crazy, like when Jennifer love Hewitts' character starts going nutty in I Know What You Did Last Summer.
Hey Jenn, I get it!

Today went down like this:

Wake up,  ohhhh I hope I see my crush today ♪  la la la  ♫
I don't know anything about him ♪  la la la  ♫
I bet he can build me a house with his bare hand, using only rocks and mud ♪ la la la ♫

"Cue the sound of glass crashing to the ground"

Eugh, he is a Wrestler...ummm I like Wrestling?!
Oh the no body hair/ all greased up/tongue sticking out/speedo wearing kind!
errrrr
Eugh, his Facebook page has Playboy and Hustlers as books he's read!
errrrr
Deep Throat and Big Tittie Zombies are his preferred movies of choice!
errrr
He has a contest "send in a neked photo of yourself and win a date with him"

Slaps hand against forehead

Couldn't he have just had a girlfriend for God sake!!!
At least he is easy to get a date with.......